Dinosaur testicles, part deux

I noticed in my WordPress stats that one of the recent search items that led people to my blog was “dinosaur testicles.” My first thought was, why is anyone searching for that? My second thought was, really? That’s what’s leading people to my blog? I’m slightly frightened.

But sure enough, if you Google it, my blog (this post, in particular) is the number one things that comes up. And now, of course, I have probably compounded that problem. Maybe I should just rename my blog “Dinosaur Testicles.”

Instead, I’ll post the lyrics to one of my favorite Dan Bern songs ever, and really, one of my favorite songs of all time:

Tiger Woods” by Dan Bern

I got big balls/Big ole balls/Big as grapefruits/Big as pumpkins/Yes sir, yes sir/And on my really good days/They swell to the size of small dogs/My balls are as big as small dogs

Well, it ain’t braggin’ if it’s true/Yes sir, yes sir/It ain’t braggin’ if it’s true
Mohammed Ali said that/Back when he was a young man/Back when he was Cassius Clay/Before he fought too many fights/And left his brain inside the ring

Sometimes I wish I was Tiger Woods/Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods/Sometimes I wish I was Tiger Woods/Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods

I got a friend whose goal in life/Was to one day go down on Madonna/That’s all he wanted/That was all/To one day go down on Madonna/And when my friend was thirty-four/He got his wish in Rome one night/He got to go down on Madonna/In Rome one night in some hotel/And ever since he’s been depressed/’Cause life is shit from here on out/And all our friends just shake their heads/And say, “Too soon, too soon, too soon/He went down on Madonna too soon/Too young, too young, too soon, too soon”

Well, it ain’t braggin’ if it’s true/Yes sir, yes sir/It ain’t braggin’ if it’s true
Mohammed Ali said that/Back when he was a young man/Back when he was Cassius Clay/Before he fought too many fights/And left his brain inside the ring

Sometimes I wish I was Tiger Woods/Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods/Sometimes I wish I was Tiger Woods/Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods

If certain girls don’t look at you/It means that they like you a lot/If other girls don’t look at you/It just means they’re ignoring you/How can you know, how can you know?/Which is which, who’s doing what?/I guess that you can ask ’em/Which one are you baby?/Do you like me or are you ignoring me?/Do you like me or are you ignoring me?/Do you like me or are you ignoring me?/And all you need to do that/Is one good pair of big balls/Balls as big as grapefruits/Balls as big as pumpkins/Balls as big as mine

But even though my balls are big/Sometimes i wish they were bigger/Even bigger/Big as the wheels on tractors/Big as the golden arches/Big as the Golden Gate Bridge/Big as the state of Kansas/Big as Mars and Jupiter/Big as the swing in Tiger Woods/Tiger Woods/Tiger Woods

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~ by realsupergirl on September 19, 2008.

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