Death and growth

I can’t believe it’s been 11 months since Pam Webb left this earth. Seeing her beautiful monument unveiled was a surreal experience, because I can’t really comprehend that she’d not around. Except that when I am in her house now, it is only filled with all the people who she touched, not her. It’s like sensing traces of her, but never being able to find the source.

I can’t believe Corrie Lazar is dead. It hasn’t really become any less unthinkable. As Fawn said this evening, “The mind has no way to comprehend the loss of a child.”

I realized that the last time I saw Pam was 11 months ago, with my aunt and uncle. I had never, ever, seen them all together before but it seemed strangely fitting – though completely unplanned – since it was through my aunt and uncle that I met Pam in 1991.

Meanwhile, there is life, and there is joy. They make death just a little bit palatable. Watching Zenna eat (even when she’d tired and cranky!), watching Asher arrange the stones on Pam’s grave carefully, watching Isaac enjoy his juice box with such intensity, watching Ezra soak up life one step at a time – this is good.


~ by realsupergirl on August 18, 2009.

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