Anniversary approaching

A certain couple that is close to us has been having trouble. It’s not clear whether they will stay together, but for now they’re trying to work it out.

Another friend moved out of his married home for a few days because he “wasn’t sure he wanted to be married anymore.” Apparently he’s decided he does, because now he’s back.

We recently saw the movie Phyllis and Harold, which is one woman’s documentary journey to try and understand why her parents stayed together in a marriage that by most measures made them miserable, despite efforts made and infidelities along the way.

I met a new friend while I was in Wellfleet. She’s a woman in her 40’s who spent the first 35 years of her life as a lesbian, and then fell into love or lust or something in between with a man. Now they’re together, after some years of infidelity, and yet she’s managed to still be friends with her ex.

What do all these things add up to? Hell if I know. What they tell me is what the religious right certainly don’t want you to believe – that human sexuality is complicated and has no one “right” path. That human sexuality and “choosing someone and rounding them up to The One” — as Dan Savage is fond of saying– are not the same thing. And yet they are intertwined, and cannot be disentangled.

Choosing someone and rounding them up to The One. Making it work, when the whole force of human evolution and biology is against you.

I’m approaching my fifth wedding anniversary, and the anniversary of twelve years of being with the woman I married. Before her my longest relationship was 9 months. before I met her, I used to think often I don’t know whether I’ll wind up with a man or a woman, but I’m sure I’ll wind up with someone Jewish. Naturally, I wound up with a woman who was raised Catholic, but in turns out she’s more spiritually akin than many Jews I’ve met.

I don’t know what all this means. Maybe in another ten years I’ll have figured it out, and I can report back to you.


~ by realsupergirl on July 28, 2010.

One Response to “Anniversary approaching”

  1. Or maybe it doesn’t mean anything except what you sort of mentioned- humans and their relationships are messy and emotion-full and complicated and make no sense, yet they are beautiful all the same when they work right. Happy Anniversary!

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