Facebook and friend drama
In the past few weeks I’ve had way too much friend drama. I abhor friend drama. Not only does it exhaust me (and as the mother of a toddler I’m already exhausted) but it takes me right back to junior high school where I instantly feel not good enough, not cool enough, not in on all the jokes and “right” things to say.
Two mutual friends had a falling out with each other after a party at our house. Now they refuse to attend anything else the other one is at. Two more friends have stopped returning our calls or our emails since shortly after having a child, and they won’t tell us why. A member of our congregation dropped me on Facebook because I said “ugh” in response to a political candidate he was supporting. Now one of the two friends in the first scenario and her husband have dropped us on Facebook, for unknown reasons. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON PEOPLE?
My first instinct is to run away from all of it. We’ve been on the fence for years about Boston versus Portland, maybe we should just run away back to Portland. But we do still have some very dear (and non-drama prone) friends out here, so it’s not that simple.
My second instinct is to run away and live in the woods and never talk to anyone else. Of course, I’d take my spouse and son, but surely we could live off the land and never talk to anyone else, right? Um, maybe. But we’d probably go crazy and/or drive each other nuts. Hmmm.
My third instinct is to crawl into bed and never come out. What the fuck is wrong with us, people? This shit seriously makes me despair for the human race. I try to live my life as lovingly, as openly, and as warmly as possible. I know I fail plenty of times, but isn’t it the effort that counts? Should I just stop trying if everyone else is going to behave like this?
My fourth instinct is to descend into self-loathing. Surely, if all these generally good, decent people in recent weeks have had some drama at me or near me, I must be a terrible human being who doesn’t deserve to live. Maybe my bullies in elementary school and middle school were right. I am a piece of shit.
And here’s where I get stuck. Which is why I impulsively decided to drop off of Facebook for an indefinite period of time and meditate on this issue. I’m returning to blogging, because blogging is how I got sucked into Facebook in the first place, but unlike Facebook it allowed for some meaningful, in depth conversation at times. I got sucked into Facebook because I was seeking connection, but the connection I’ve found – lately, anyway – has proved to be more exhausting than meaningful.
Of course, I’ve been away from blogging so long I don’t know if anyone’s still reading this. If you’re reading this, and you have any thoughts or advice for me, I’d love to hear it.