Day 242

Finally got to see the Hump Tour.  Because Massachusetts was founded by Puritans, I had to travel to Brooklyn to see it,  but we made it.

Here’s my run down of the 2014 Hump Tour lineup: my reviews are in italics, the other text is the description written by the producers.

Butthole Lickin – 2008 To kiss or not to kiss? That is the question two women must explore after one rims the other. Lesbian processing has never looked so good.  Really funny and well done.  

Cyclust – 2009 A lesbian love-and-lust story told in still images. “Best lesbian sex scene in Hump ever,” said one jury member. “Totally sweet and really hot – proves that you don’t need a dude, a strap-on, or a traffic cone to make hot lesbian porn.”  I thought it was really sweet, and hot, and I get that th jerky filmy style contributed to the riding bikes feel, but it made me a littl dizzy to watch it.  Bonus points because I totally recognized it was filmed in the Ladd’s Additin of Portland.

Twincest – 2010 Nothing like a good song ‘n’ dance number about twin sibling incest to cleanse the palate!  Funny and catchy but um, creepy. 

Miller’s Daughter – 2011 Why is this gorgeous, Super 8 animated film, starring some shexy-shexy cutout silhouette figures in HUMP! and not the National Archives? Probably something about the blow jobs.  Eh, this one didn’t do anything for me.  Not particularly interesting or sexy, IMO. 

Porn All The Time – 2013 A rap song/video about excessive porn intake. Dan Savage is still walking around humming this tune! yeah  I was surprised how catchy this tune is. I kind of want to buy it.  Good use of cheap amateur cinematography.

Humparaoke – 2014 Attractive people sing karaoke and somehow end up in a big, naked shower orgy lip-synching into a Hitachi Magic Wand!  Really fucking funny.  And hot.  

The Grocer – 2014 The triumph of cinematic kink has forever changed how several thousand humans view grapes and carrots – and won these filmmakers the 2014 Hump award for Best Kink.  Pretty funny and well done, kind of predictable.

Art Primo – 2013 This beautifully shot film features a group of stunning women, nudity, sweat, and some playful slapping — an amazing slice of all women erotica, and a favorite with HUMP! audiences!  Eh, this one didn’t do anything for me. Not particularly interesting or sexy, IMO.

EdenXXX – 2012 Years’ worth of home video footage from two massively horny Burners condensed into two unforgettable minutes of furry hats, glitter, and blowjobs galore.  Eh, these two are a little too in love with themselves. 

Rube – 2014 A book called Rube, plus a handful of LUBE, triggers a chain reaction you won’t believe.  Omg this one was totally my favorite.  So so goo.  And smart. And hot. And creative.  Which makes it hotter.

FUCK – 2013 Fuck, a moving and erotic spoken-word monologue filmed in black and white.   Very moving artsy.  Loved seeing an untraditional, woman of color baring it all and loving herself.  

Beethoven’s Stiff – 2013 While a penis conducts Beethoven’s Fifth, a Vagina plays a French Horn. This is precisely what would happen if your genitals dedicated themselves to classical music.  Very creative, and funny.  Ouch.  

Bedtime Stories – 2013 Imagine what it would look like if classic tales like “Goldilocks and the Three Bears” were reenacted by… you know, the other kind of bears. The kind with erections!  Cute concept, could have done more with it.  Wanted to like it more but it did wind up being very sweet.  

Anal Alley – 2013 A late night television infomercial for a butt plug bowling set that makes good and dirty use of all three extra credit props in the 2013 HUMP! festival: butt plugs, bowling pins, and Hillary Clinton!  This is totally the fake SNL ad the wish the could do but can’t.  Because, you know, butt plug.  Our country was founded by Puritans. 

The Glory Hole – 2014 Winner of the 2014 Best in Show award. This heartwarming new porno classic-based on a true “met-not-so-cute” story-dazzled HUMP! audiences more than any other film, and earned its makers a glamorous $5,000 cash prize!  So sweet.  It was kind of like the When Harry Met Sally that got cut put, if they’d had any queer couples in that movie.  My spouse’s favorite.  

The Caller, Part 2 – 2014 Why order a pizza when you can call a sex worker instead.  Pretty funny, but I wanted them to actually have sex.

No Artificial Sweeteners – 2014 Tattooed lady has dinner party and serves too much wine, causing non tattooed guy to spend night on couch, only to be awakened with black coffee and a dizzying amount of hot hetro sex!  It was hot but lacked story until the end, and by then I loved it.  Great ended,  great filming and pace.

Cinderfella – 2014 One of the world’s best loved fairy tales gets a magical, sparkly, ass-eating makeover. Funny and sexy and really well done.  Excellent work all around.  

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~ by realsupergirl on August 29, 2015.

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