Day 308

Now that my countdown to commemorate the 20 year anniversary of Rabin’s assassination is over, I want to turn my focus to the subject of adoption. November is, after all, Adoption Awareness Month. I want to find and meditate on the experience of adoptees this month. It’s something I do year round, but I want to take the time to do this publicly and share my own thoughts as they come up as a way of increasing awareness about adoption.

I’m going to start by sharing this quote:

“Nothing bad ever happens in Adoptionland, and all of the adopted children feel nothing but gratitude for being placed in this world where they make dreams of adults come true. Because here in Adoptionland, the focus is on people who want children instead of on the children themselves.”

— “Adoption Culture Clash” by Julie Stromberg, in Lost Daughters: Writing Adoption form a Place of Empowerment & Peace

This is such a good place to start. I am so grateful I was able to adopt my son, because it was a desperate dream of my spouse and I to have a child, and we tried to conceive and were unsuccessful. But that dream is ours, and ended when he came along. Now, the focus is on him, and his experience. He doesn’t need to feel anything he doesn’t authentically feel about his life and his adoption. It’s his story, his life, and my job is – just as it is for any other parent – to make decisions about him and for him to give him the best kind of life I can. But it’s not my job to tell him how he should or shouldn’t feel, and he doesn’t “owe” me anything. The myth is the grateful adoptee is so common, and so hurtful. A close friend of mine just the other day expressed how she had been hurt by it by another friend. Adoptees don’t need to feel grateful for being adopted. They can feel however the damn well please, and how they feel may change daily, hourly, or yearly.

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~ by realsupergirl on November 5, 2015.

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