Day 86: Conflicting values

•March 27, 2015 • Leave a Comment

I realized I forgot to write yesterday, and tonight is Shabbas, when typically don’t got online.  

You can see which values won ou, at least this evening. 

Day 84

•March 25, 2015 • Leave a Comment

“cause someone you don’t know/is someone you don’t know/get a firm grip, girl/before you let go/for every hand extended/another lies in wait/keep your eye on that one/anticipate”
– “Anticipate” by ani difranco

I’ve had this Ani lyric bouncing around in my head for days now, because just as the final nail seems to be in the coffin of one friendship, I’ve got one of my best friends and a acquaintance level friend from college moving into to town this spring. Another dear dear friend moved here a year ago. Family are irreplaceable, unless theyre truly horrible and unwilling to change, and then friends become family. But friends are always replaceable. Whether you dumped them, they dumped you, or you grew apart. The most important thing is to not stop anticipating the next open hand.

Of course, what’s made it possible to believe this is that I have three friends who have been closes since I was 18, and I feel confident they’re not going anywhere, and I have a half dozen to a dozen. other friends with slightly less longevity but about whom i feel equally confident.

In other words, I know what true friendship looks like, and the friends I’ve lost recently never really fit that definition. They were fun, until they were crazy.

Protected: Day 83

•March 24, 2015 • Enter your password to view comments.

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Day 82

•March 23, 2015 • Leave a Comment

Toddlers are so forgiving. We could learn from them.

My son still wants me to hold him when he’s crying because I accidently bonked him walking by, or when I’m the one who won’t give him what I wants. My son is also learning to tell his friends “That’s not nice!” or “I don’t like that!” when they are aggressive or mean. But you know what? In both cases, he still wants to play as soon as he’s been heard, and there’s some attempt at reconciliation.

A thought I had about the friend drama we’ve had is that the capacity to forgive is important. On the other hand, at this point, the friends who have dumped us would have to work hard to be back in our lives even if they wanted to – because there has to be some attempt at reconciliation, of apology, of responsibility, in order to forgive. But toddlers don’t require much – and neither should we. Life is short. When do we get so bad at knowing when to let go and forgive, and get back to playing?

Day 81

•March 22, 2015 • Leave a Comment

Car’s starter won’t start
Windy sun with bitter cold
Weekend must go on.

Day 80

•March 21, 2015 • Leave a Comment

I have a funny parenting story to tell today,  maybe someone is a childhood development expert and can tell me what they think it means.

My son (almost 3) loves Curious George.  We’ve been reading the collection we inherited constantly.  Mostly to make it more interesting for ourselves, we sometimes change up the repeated parts and see if he’s listening.  You know, “this is Max, he was a good little aardvark, and always very funny.” Most often, he catches us on any of those changes and tells us the correct words. But we can describe the Man with the Yellow Hat however we want – literally – and he doesn’t react or seem to notice.  So far I’ve used “the man in the pink fedora”, “the man in the green turtleneck” and “the man with the cowboy boots.”   No reaction.

Then it gets better.  This evening at bedtime, I said “the man with the pink slippers” and he did react – finally!  I asked him what it should be.  His answer “the man with the boots.”

Sometimes it’s fascinating trying to figure out how toddlers process the world.

Day 78: Poly for countries 

•March 18, 2015 • Leave a Comment

“I love my country…but I’m poly.”  This was a great line Dan Savage had in a podcast (episode #435) in which he has a top-of-the-show rant about people (read: Republicans) who think being “patriotic” means you can’t love other countries, or be critical of a country you love.  That’s just a fucked up idea of love, in my book.  

I love America, where I live and grew up. I love Israel and Jordan, where I spent 4 months.  I love England, where I lived for six months, and have gotten to travel back to several times. I love Costa Rica, after just a week’s vacation, I think I love Greece, although I’m not even sure my memories of Greece are accurate because I lived there in the second grade,  but it was for a year. 

These are all the countries that have imprinted on me, that I feel like I have a relationship with.  I’ve been to other countries as a tourist and enjoyed my time there, but I don’t feel like they imprinted on me in the same way.  

What countries are you in love with? 

 
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