Day 63: Why I stay up late

•March 4, 2015 • Leave a Comment

This week, while I’ve been recovering from round two of some sort of stomach bug, I hadn’t been.  I’ve been crashing early, which is good for me. But in general, I like staying up late even more now as a parent.  I am more tired, so I can’t do much, but I enjoy the quiet house, adult conversation, watching adult television on the Internet.  It’s actually become an incredibly important part of my day.  

Sometimes I get some of that quiet time in the morning before my son wakes, but that’s less reliable – either I sleep in late or he wakes up early.  After 10 pm is much more reliably my quiet time.  It’s lovely. 

Day 61 & 62

•March 3, 2015 • Leave a Comment

Ugh, like coming back from a weekend away to the real world Isn’t hard enough, I came down with cold symptoms almost immediately upon return.  

I never used to get sick more than once a year. I’ve gotten sick twice in the past month.  I blame the largely ineffective flu shot this year. Or the fact that it’s my first winter with my son in day care. 

But what I wanted to write about today is the weird, paradoxical thing about being a mental health therapist – it’s  when I do my job that clients leave me.  Then I have to say goodbye, after they’ve let me into their most private lives. The better I do my job, the more opportunities I have for these goodbyes – the alternative is people leave without saying goodbye, or they become dependent on me in a way that isn’t particularly healthy.  I think it’s no coincidence that the longer I’ve been a therapist the more opportunities I’ve had to see clients for years, and then  have a proper goodbye,   Of course, it also helps that I’ve been in the same workplace for twelve years.  

Protected: Day 60

•March 1, 2015 • Enter your password to view comments.

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Protected: Day 59

•February 28, 2015 • Enter your password to view comments.

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Day 58 

•February 27, 2015 • Leave a Comment

Spent all day getting here, physically and emotionally. Now we’re here.  

Day 57

•February 26, 2015 • Leave a Comment

Is there any town in New England that doesn’t boast some sort of Robert Frost connection? He’s like the ultimate New England everyman. He’s rented and owned homes in so many places up here, and he has written so much poetry about Vermont, New Hampshire, Massachusetts…it’s a little ridiculous, in terms of all the plaques you find in random places claiming a connection to him, and yet when you poke at the phenomenon it’s kind of sweet. He has so many connections because he spent his whole life here, trying to find “home” literally and metaphorically, and it never occurred to him to find home outside of New England. As the worst snow season in Massachusetts history winds down, I find that admirable. Every blizzard brings out people complaining and threatening to leave, and I can’t help wondering what Robert Frost would say. It’s also a class thing. Picking up and moving because of the weather – having the ability to do so financially – is a middle class idea. For people who have only known one area, whose family has only lived on onw area, and who are tied to job in an area, it’s less likely to happen.

Day 55 & 56: Why 50 Shades is Dangerous 

•February 25, 2015 • 4 Comments

I really wasn’t going to say anything about 50 Shades of Gray, because it just seems dumb and no one I know takes it seriously or read or watched it.  

But it’s turned out to be a blockbuster.  And I gather, from the multitude of articles online, that it inaccurately depicts a bdsm relationship which is actually an abusive relationship using  bdsm to justify abuse.  

And on a whim, I tried googling other cinematic depictions of bdsm, and couldn’t come up with any, except 9 and 1/2 Weeks, which has the same problem.  So, as a “kink-aware therapist” I feel compelled to speak up.  There is a great danger in depicting bdsm poorly.  Violence in intimate relationships is already a huge problem, but erotic power play is real, and not pathological.  Playing out fantasies that include dominating another human being comes with great responsibility.  Depicting these fantasies in a way that blurs the very important line between consensual power play and abuse is irresponsible, and could cause very real damage to people.  It could give a kind of societal permission to abusers who want to force their partners to do things before they are ready, or that they are not comfortable ever doing.  

Am I wrong in not being able to find heathy, positive cinematic depictions of bdsm?  Can anyone direct me to depictions I’ve overlooked? 


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.